- A haircut
- A visit from my amazing friends in Kalamazoo - I love those guys. =)
- Working full-time and realizing just how emotionally draining this job can be despite the health benefits and increased monetary compensation...
- Starting to pay half the rent and electric bill and getting used to that...
- Witnessing the most horrendous display of violent acts and self-injurious behaviors in my lifetime on the job.
- Acquiring the DVD of one of the most beloved films of my youth - Warren Beatty's "Dick Tracy."
- Watching the eye opening documentary "When The Levees Broke" by none other than Spike Lee.
- Doing far too many Sudoku puzzles than is natural for one human being to do...
- Watching episodes of "The Office" and daydreaming about the show (particularly regarding the relationship between Jim and Pam as well as Dwight's recent resignation - in both cases, I am hoping with all of my heart that the situations will change directions).
So, basically I am pathetic. With the little free time I have, I watch television and dream about the lives of others. For me to live my life inside of the lives of fictional characters portrayed within the television... Is that not the American dream?
I sure hope not.
I wish I was not so afraid of being more social. I want to go to meetings, hang out with people, just sit and chat. I just get so scared. Even when I went to the Fountain Street Church and the priest invited people to talk with him after church. He seemed so incredible that I just wanted to stay and talk with him all afternoon, but I got so nervous that I just left.
Maybe this is why I would get so upset at my dad whenever we would have to move to another town... I feel that I am terrible at meeting new people. I rely on any friends I have already established and try to be nice to the new people I meet, but inside I am always scared out of my wits. Maybe this is why I am so bad at conflict resolution with my friends - I don't want my friends to get upset and risk losing them. I'm so glad that Liz has stuck with me all of these years because I don't know what I would do if I had to try to meet somebody else. Honestly - I would be a mess.
Anyway... that's more than enough introspection for one night. To bed I go. It's an early morning tomorrow and I am actually looking forward to getting to work. It's one place where I feel comfortable talking with people.
Goodnight, my friends.
Love,
David
P.S. I must say, on my own behalf, that I think I have made some new friendships at work. They say that people form bonds during difficult times, such as wars, famines, national disasters, etc. Well, every day at work ends up being a disaster in some sense of the word. After all, this is a mental health facility where one minute a man is walking around naked telling the staff that he is God and the next minute a woman is ripping out sutures in her arm and spilling blood all over. No sane person can actually want to come into a place like this every day. And yet, here I go... venturing where few have dared to venture before me. To treat a patient who seeks treatment is one thing. But to care for somebody who does not want to be cared for and who sometimes seeks for ways to cause bodily harm to the staff is something of a quite different nature indeed. I believe it was Jesus who once commanded that we as human beings are to "love our enemies." I never think of the patients as enemies, and I hope that I am not giving off that impression. They are all fragile human beings who are in need of treatment. However, more often than not, the treatment is not being actively sought out by the patient and they are court ordered to be placed into a mental hospital for treatment which they did not ask for in the first place. This can create tensions, which the patients carry with them to the hospital and its staff. What I mean to say is that we are to overcome their fright and anger with comfort and love. That isn't in the job description - but it's on the faces of many of those I work with every day. And it's a comfort to know that I work with such compassionate individuals. It really makes me feel like I am part of a team.
Well, that's enough for tonight. Sleep well, my friends. Let's have a wonderful hump day tomorrow and get through the midpoint of our weeks. =)
