Manifest Destiny

Five Iron Frenzy - the greatest group to ever carry the title of a "Christian" band.

Before we criticize the entire religion of Islam based on the actions of some greedy extremists, let us recall Christianity's own hateful and destructive past...

No, I'm not talking about the Crusades... I'm not even talking about the Spanish Inquisition...

I'm speaking of genocide. No, not in Rwanda or Afghanistan... genocide that occurred right here on our own turf... to my ancestors, the original inhabitants of this great land.

Many people cling to the tragedy of 9/11 with signs and stickers reading "We will never forget." Let us also not forget that our ancestors carried out murder with a comparable body count in the name of g-d.

Let us teach by example... let us break the cycle of hatred...

I believe this is the dawning of a new era.

Five Iron Frenzy - Old West Lyrics


Up until the middle of the 20th century,

many Americans believed in the idea known as the "Manifest Destiny."

It held that all of North America,

from sea to shining sea,

was rightfully the property of the U.S. and was given to us by God.

Native Americans were unscrupulously thrown off their homelands

and slaughtered in the name of Jesus.

Horror stories of entire tribes being led through rivers while being baptized,

just to be shot and scalped on the other side,

rival those of the Spanish Inquisition.

Today, I see street corner preachers screaming at passers-by,

while the amount of Neo-Nazi Hate crimes are escalating every day.

All of this under a blanket name of "Christianity."

Read Your Bible.

Jesus never beat people or insulted them into believing in him.

He spoke the truth

And set an example by loving every man.

We are called to follow his example.

Remember the Massacres at Sand Creek and meeker.

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.



Some cowboys were a ridin', ridin' on the range;

The grass was over grazed there,

and spotted like some mange;

The buffalo were dead there,

the trees they all were through,

and if they saw some Injuns,

why they would kill them too.

West or bust, in God we trust,

"Let's rape, let's kill, let's steal"

We can almost justify, anything we feel;

I'm climbing up that ladder,

more brownie points for me I'll work my way to Jesus you wait and see.

Said one cowboy to another,

"I think it would be nice,

if we could take these injuns and convert them all to Christ;

See, they are all disgusting, and bringing me great pain,

and if they don't believe me,

we'll put a bullet in their brains!"

I am always shoutin',

when I go outside,

how people should repent now,

or they're going to die.

My motives are all selfish,

I'm a cannon brimmed with powder.

If people don't believe me,

I just beat them and yell louder.








More Five Iron Frenzy Lyrics...

Peace in.

Love,
David

"What if everyone..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sorry 'bout that. It was just one of those days on the ol' North Unit, I'm afraid.

Not to say that there weren't high points... such as the patient who, upon learning how much money I make, took it upon herself to try to convince my supervisor that I am a wonderful employee and should be compensated much more than I am. =)

Or when I got to hear a patient (who normally spends all day sleeping in bed) rapping and dancing in the lounge, only to discover that he has dreams of going professional with his mad hip-hop skills.

There was also the short-lived bumping and grinding dance moves in the courtyard...

And the new admission who recognized me from his numerous previous visits and said he likes our unit way better than south...

But, for some reason, the main thing that I remember from today was what a fellow coworker said during shift change.

"I hate those people on day shift."

Whether it was meant in fun or intended to be taken seriously is not important to me. I interpreted it as the latter, and unfortunately that is how it has stuck. I have been unable to convince myself that the person was joking because I have the unfortunate inability to simply blow off criticism of any sort... paired with a rock-solid ability to hold onto such criticisms for extremely long periods of time, I am certain that it will take quite some time for me to forget this one.

Immediately, I found that I began getting angry...

Then, I began thinking.

What do staff (specifically care providers... more specifically, myself) that work day shifts on our unit do that evening shift staff don't do?

I came up with an extremely long mental list... and I keep adding things to it. Here is a brief sample:

-Gather patients and take them to classes
-Teach classes
-Actually follow patient behavioral plans
-Chart a narrative of the observed behaviors of the patients
-Pass and collect urine specimens
-Keep patients with no smoking and no courtyard orders from doing smoking or entering the courtyard, respectively
-Bathe the patients if necessary
-Help housekeeping with removing soiled bedding
-Check refrigerator temperatures
-Retrieve patients for psychiatrists, case managers, outside social workers, lawyers, psych testers, physician assistants, therapists, chaplains or others spiritual leaders, etc.
-Take pictures of patients when they are admitted
-Print out at least two large copies of the patient's picture for the chart and med cart
-Keep a photo contact sheet up-to-date with pictures of each patient together on one sheet of paper

...and that's it for starters.

If anyone from evening shift would like to take over any of those responsibilities, I would be more than glad to hand them over.

Wow... I feel better already.

For those of you who don't even know what I'm talking about, thanks for reading this far. You are real troopers and will be rewarded for your diligence. Click here for the time of your life.

If I offended anybody, I am truly sorry... my intention was not to hurt feelings, I just needed to get some things off my chest. Not everybody who works days is a workaholic and not everyone who works evenings refuses to chart a narrative on the patients. In general, however, it cannot be denied that the day shift is generally extremely more hectic and faced-paced, as this individual would know. He used to work full-time on the day shift.

...wow. Looking over this, I realize two things.

1) I sound like a whiny little child.
2) Perhaps this is what he meant - that we are wound WAY too tightly.

Either way, I'm still quite pissed off.

I need to play some electric guitar. LOUDLY.

Toodles.

-Dave

P.S. You're probably wondering what the title of this post is all about. Yeah, I forgot to mention that in this blog - I guess I got too wrapped up in complaining and apologizing that I forgot to mention how I cope with the busy days where I find myself overworked and cleaning up messes and doing work that should have been done the night before.

A case worker at Pine Rest told me one day that she has a saying that she tells herself before anything she does. She read it in a book as a child and she has never forgotten it. The saying is "What if everyone..."

Before she does anything, she asks herself "What if everyone _____" and fills in the blank with whatever it was that she was planning on doing. So, if she were planning on throwing trash outside, she would ask herself "What if everyone threw their trash outside?" Then she would think about it from that larger perspective and see the dangers in even the most seemingly insignificant of problems.

So, while it may not seem a big deal not to chart on the patient's behaviors for the psychiatrists, case workers, therapists, and other staff to read... I ask myself, "What if everyone refused to type a narrative of the patient's behaviors?" In the field of health and human services it is most apparent that if behaviors are not documented, they never happened. So, if behaviors were never documented, how would anybody know what symptoms to be treating? That is dangerous territory there and reminds myself just how important my job truly is to the well-being of the patients.

Sally Field's UNCENSORED Speech

Yeah, so it's really not all that exciting. I think Fox edited out her anti-war rant in an effort to get more media attention.

Regardless, I am ever grateful that our brothers and sisters in the "Great White North" are less hell-bent on editing out media content with which they do not agree with. Sometimes I wonder if Canada and the U.S. somehow switched Constitutions somewhere along the road, because they do a damned better job following ours than we do sometimes.

Thanks, Blogger, for not editing out my rant. =)

Here's the video:



Love,
David

A lesson in futility...

Today we admitted a patient who has been on the unit many times and never seems to make progress. Why was he discharged in the first place? Because, unfortunately, a person must make the same mistakes numerous times before receiving the proper treatment they need and deserve.

I am so angry at the mental health system. I knew I hated it before, but this just never ends. People are released and taken back, not equipped with the proper medications, guidance, or facilities to reach their unattainable goals. Day after day I witness this and feel as though I am swabbing the deck of the Titanic while it sinks into the ocean.

My greatest fear is not to be swept beneath the crashing waves with the ship... that's what a good crew member must be willing to risk. No, my fear is that one day I or somebody I love may require psychiatric treatment. Is this how they will be treated? The stigma of mental illness is one thing. However, the incompetency and lack of oversight into the care of the patients is something I will not tolerate.

Am I supposed to cave in? After putting in years of service, am I supposed to become jaded to the notion that these people simply will never receive the care they need? Why can a person who requires the strict monitoring that a long-term locked residential facility provides not receive those services? And why are individuals with moderate to severe mental retardation sent to a psychiatric hospital? Is it our job to cure behavioral problems and alter personalities, because that is impossible to do. All that ends up occurring are the patients become drugged up to the point where they can no longer be a threat to themselves or others. Who is being serviced in such treatment? Nobody.

If the hospital I work for was a "for profit" organization, my feelings would be much different. However, the fact that this hospital offers financial assistance for patients to receive the wrong care does not make the situation any better. All that means is that the staff get paid less and the quality of care diminishes proportionately.

I am but one person. What can I do?

God, if there is one out there... what can be done? Is anything even supposed to be done about this? Am I the one in the wrong here? Please, grant me the clarity of thought to know what it is I need to do...

Love,
David

P.S. I can take my girl out for a drink and a movie... and that's what I'll do.

P.P.S. I am currently giving quite a lot of careful consideration to applying to MSU's School Psychology program. It sounds interesting and, as you can see, one of my life goals on my Facebook profile is (and I quote):

"Get a Master's degree in a field I'm interested in."

Roger Ebert's greatest film review to date...

...and I haven't even seen the film yet!

Ever since I heard about this project, I knew that I would probably avoid it, but I was also well aware the curious temptation within me to see what the accusatory mind can produce might very well get the better of me and catch me unaware.

Roger Ebert's film review for "September Dawn" has much more to do with socio-political agendas and brainwashing concepts related to the film than it does the actual content of the film itself or the talent of the creative staff involved.

I felt comforted inside to hear somebody other than myself refer to the slaughter of countless numbers of the natives of this great country in Christ's name as GENOCIDE instead of PROGRESS.

Ebert hit the nail on the head with this review, pointing to the two possible agendas that must have been set forth by the creative team responsible for this story.

After this review, I desperately want to see "September Dawn" - but I think I might just have to wait until it comes to video. I want to know if Roger Ebert is simply reading into this a little too much, or if humanity could really have stooped this low...

-Dave



September Dawn (R)

Ebert:
Zero stars

Users
२.५ stars

Bishop John Samuelson, a crazy Mormon zealot (played by Jon Voight), orders the massacre of a visiting wagon train of Christians in "September Dawn."

September Dawn

August 24, 2007

Cast & Credits Bishop Samuelson: Jon Voight Brigham Young: Terence Stamp Joseph Smith: Dean Cain John Lee: Jon Gries Nancy Dunlap: Lolita Davidovich Black Diamond Pictures and Slow Hand Releasing present a film directed by Christopher Cain. Written by Cain and Carole Whang Schutter. Running time: 111 minutes. Rated R (for violence). Opening today at local theaters.

By Roger Ebert

On Sept. 11, 1857, at the Mountain Meadows Massacre, a group of fanatic Mormons attacked and slaughtered a wagon train of about 120 settlers passing through Utah on their way to California. Can we all agree that the date has no significance? No, we cannot, because "September Dawn" is at pains to point out that on another Sept. 11, another massacre took place, again spawned by religion.

But hold on. Where did I get that word "fanatic"? In my opinion, when anybody believes their religion gives them the right to kill other people, they are fanatics. Aren't there enough secular reasons for war? But there is no shortage of such religions, or such people. The innocent, open-faced Christians on the wagon train were able to consider settling California, after all, because some of their co-religionists participated in or benefitted from the enslavement of Africans and the genocide of Native Americans.

Were there fanatics among those who ran the Salem Witch Trials or the Inquisition or the Crusades? Or the Holocaust? No shortage of them. Organized religion has been used to justify most of the organized killing in our human history. It's an inescapable fact, especially if you consider the Nazis and communists as cults led by secular gods. When your god inspires you to murder someone who worships god in a different way or under another name, you're barking up the wrong god.

The vast majority of the members of all religions, I believe and would argue, don't want to kill anybody. They want to love and care for their families, find decent work that sustains life and comfort, live in peace and get along with their neighbors. It is a deviant streak in some humans, I suspect, that drives them toward self-righteous violence, and uses religion as a convenient alibi.

That is true, wouldn't you agree, about Mormons, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and so on? No, not all of you would agree, because every time I let slip the opinion that most Muslims are peaceful and nonviolent, for example, I receive the most extraordinary hate mail from those assuring me they are not. And in a Muslim land, let a newspaper express the opinion that most Christians and Jews are peaceful and nonviolent, and that newspaper office is likely to be burned down. The worst among us speak for the best.

Which brings us back to Sept. 11, 1857, when a crazy Mormon zealot named Bishop John Samuelson (Jon Voight) ordered the massacre of the visiting wagon train, after first sending his spokesman to lie that if they disarmed, they would be granted safe passage. Whether the leader of his church, Brigham Young (Terence Stamp), approved of this action is a matter of much controversy, denied by the church, claimed by "September Dawn."

What a strange, confused, unpleasant movie this is. Two theories have clustered around it: (1) It is anti-Mormon propaganda to muddy the waters around the presidential campaign of Mitt Romney, or (2) it is not about Mormons at all, but an allegory about the 9/11/01 terrorists. Take your choice. The problem with allegories is that you can plug them in anywhere. No doubt the film would have great impact in Darfur.

There isn't anything to be gained in telling this story in this way. It generates bad feelings on all sides, and at a time when Mormons are at pains to explain they are Christians, underlines the way that these Mormons consider all Christians to be "gentiles." The Mormons are presented in no better light than Nazis and Japanese were in Hollywood's World War II films. Wasn't there a more thoughtful and insightful way to consider this historical event? Or how about a different event altogether? What about the Donner Party? They may have been cannibals, but at least they were nondenominational.

If there is a concealed blessing, it is that the film is so bad. Jon Voight, that gifted and versatile actor, is here given the most ludicrous and unplayable role of his career, and a goofy beard to boot. Stamp, as Brigham Young, comes across as the kind of man you'd find at the back of a cave in a Cormac McCarthy novel. The Christians are so scrubbed and sunny, they could have been teleported in time from the Lawrence Welk program.

And isn't it sickening that the plot stirs in some sugar by giving us what can only be described as a horse whisperer? This movie needs human whisperers. And giving us a romance between the bishop's son and a pretty gentile girl? And another son of the bishop who dresses up like an Indian and goes batty at the scent of blood? And real Native Americans who assist the Mormons in their killing, no doubt thinking, well, we can get around to the Mormons later? I am trying as hard as I can to imagine the audience for this movie. Every time I make any progress, it scares me.

I found what I want to get next...

This...



Yeah, it's affordable and still 5.0 megapixels. Which, in case you aren't aware, is a significant improvement over my current camera which currently takes pictures at a maximum of 3.2 megapixels.

So, yeah.

Affordable, great reviews, and... well, it's Nikon. That means it automatically kicks ass. I'm sold.

http://www.ritzcamera.com/product/541530960.htm

Now, if only it wasn't for those pesky student loans looming on the horizon...

-Dave

P.S. Work went really well today. =) Too bad Liz went home to have her head cut open. That sounds a lot worse than it will be... no worries necessary, I promise. More details later.

I missed my calling...

Good evening, fellow bloggers! I could spend my moments filling you in on the boring events of my life... or, I could could divulge your minds with some of my life philosophy. However, I choose neither of those. Instead, I will critique a movie I recently saw with two of my best friends.

The film was "Hostel Part II."

*SPOILER ALERT (NOT MANY - I WON'T RUIN THE ENDING)*

The film opens with a gut-wrenching and head spinning surprise, which establishes the mood of the last film and really gets the viewer expecting more excitement... only to be let down by a surprisingly slow-paced sequence following the antics of three art student vacationers persuaded by a model to travel to Slovakia to discover the natural beauty and relaxing atmosphere. The let down in action proves to be less of a let down and more of a realistic feeling set of ordeals that sincerely establish these three characters as actual people we may have encountered over the course of our lives. So, after convincing ourselves that we are in for a roller-coaster ride of a movie, we find ourselves relaxed and really getting into the personalities and romantic interests of these three ladies... at times, I really felt that I could empathize with them. Then, gradually, the puzzle fills in piece by piece and the adventure truly begins.

I will not ruin the ending, but I will say that there were major role reversals and that the physical violence pales in comparison to the psychological intrigue at the banality of evil displayed in the film. I found myself asking the essential question here... "Could I ever do this?" In an age where we find ourselves surprised to hear of the events at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo Bay, this film offers a heartfelt (though, slightly exaggerrated) answer. Yet, in all of the discussions of responsibility and punishment, we seem to have forgotten the results of the controversial study that the brilliant Stanley Milgram performed... or the unexpected turn that the Stanford Prison Experiment took. Evil is not something that a person either is or is not... it is a continuum that runs down the middle of every living thing (and arguably non-living things at times as well - but, that's a discussion for another day).

This movie proved to be exciting, full of adventure, and extremely thought provoking. Throughout the blood and gore is an interesting social commentary, not necessarily a critique. After all... it is those who refuse to admit their innate potential for becoming evil that perform the most depraved acts upon society. Perhaps, unlike the childhood lessons of self-esteem which are pounded into our heads throughout our youth, a strong sense of self-worth needs to be coupled with the constant reminder that we all have the potential for causing terrible harm on the world through our words and actions.

*END OF SPOILERS*

That's all for now.

Man, I missed my calling as a movie critic. Perhaps I could write articles in sociological journals that analyze films using sociological and social-psychological theory. I could also compare and contrast the events in the film to those occurring in real life to try to decipher the intentions of the creative team to analyze why this particular picture was made... to start to really understand what it is in our minds and in our culture that desires specific genres of movies. Why do we really like romances where love does not come easily? Why do we like to be scared out of our minds in horror films? Why do we always love to cheer when a person supposedly "gets what is coming to them" and what criteria determines their deserval of vengeance? To really begin to understand the social and psychological purpose of creating (and attending) films in modern society would be a dream of mine. Oh, if only that were my job instead of sitting here watching a grown adult sleep to assure their lack of self harm behaviors.

Well, that'll be the day...

Well, until we meet again.

Love,
David

It's 5 am, I must be lonely...

Yeah, so it's not quite Rob Thomas material... but it's as close to a real song as I could get without going with the ever-unpopular "It's 5 o'clock Somewhere." =S

So... yeah, I originally agreed to stay a couple of hours into the next shift after working from 3pm to 11:30pm, just to keep an unruly patient in line. However, as tends to be the case in my life, things did not end as I had originally intended them to end. My nice, peaceful sleep in my cozy bed turned into a lot of sitting and reading (and a mad rush to Meijer at 3am to find some snacks and as many caffeinated drinks as I could down in the short span of my break)... and now blogging as well.

I heard a piece on NPR today that I found rather interesting and applicable in my life. The topic was blogs and online publishing. The main point was that one should be careful what they publish because it can come back to haunt them. After all, just because something is published one day does not mean it cannot be read 20 years from that day... but, would it still be relevant? Perhaps not.

Now, I understand that caution is important in all conversations... printed, spoken, handwritten, signed, gestured, or however else one chooses to perform their communication amongst peers. However, the sole responsibility in communicating DOES NOT lie solely within the communicator as was implied in this "report." I almost think I would be willing to say that the LISTENER requires the most caution of all.

I doubt that anybody would say that we are automatically born with the opinions that we will hold onto strongly for the rest of our lives. No... life is a process. Part of that process understandably involves making mistakes. The Internet, such as film, music, and writing, are publishing mediums that are "permanent" (I put the word in quotes because any of these mediums could eventually become completely wiped out - film can disintegrate over time, books can burn, CDs can melt with overuse, and computers/servers/routers can simply become unplugged). The existence of a permanent medium is a great thing. Nonetheless, as is the case with all things great, there must also come a social responsibility. In this case, the responsibility of the consumer of information is the ability to understand that the publisher (as well as the reader - whether or not they choose to admit) is growing in wisdom, knowledge, and the pursuit of a more complete worldview.

Then again, I believe that the ability to understand (or the lack thereof) is the key (or cause) of most (if not all) of the problems plaguing our world today.

Perhaps I will find that in the not-so-distant future, I will come to regret the words I have posted here today...

...but until that time, I ask that you bear with me on my journey to physical, mental, and spiritual enlightenment. Come with me as I journey to nirvana.

I don't want to go there alone.

Love,
David

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

This morning at work proved to be extremely entertaining and insightful. Amidst the cover of an exceedingly relaxed atmosphere (one which rarely exists on this unit), four individuals found themselves bickering/arguing/debating, etc. about the topic of religion.

One person assumed the role of being the constant antagonist, playing the "devil's advocate" whenever the opportunity arose. Another took the stance that The Bible is the only truth in this world and that to think otherwise would be "assuming the role of G-d" and demeaning this blessed "truth." All the while, the other two sat back and listened to the whole thing and researching the topics further.

The four people were staff members at Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services... and I was grateful to find that there was another person (or two) who finds that the pathway towards truth and a higher power does NOT necessarily need to travel through the heart of a specific prophet or savior. In fact, as one of the participants in the debate stated, "There is one thing and one thing only that causes bloodshed between religions... and that is the fact that they lose sight of the highest power - G-d... God... Allah... Nirvana... Father... Tao... Yoga... So many religions dwell on topics of prophets and the various topics which separate them from other religious sects while ignoring the one unifying belief that binds all religions together - there is a higher power that exists out there, and we all want to be as close to it as we possibly can."

Well, that may not have been what he said verbatim, but I got the gist of his message captured while adding in a bit of my own flair.

The point being...

Why must religions (particularly referring to Christianity here) feel the need to persuade people to find this "G-d" through their specific means?

We all take different routes... let us all enjoy our own special trips toward this greater power in peace and tranquility without feeling the need to bind and gag others and throw them in the car with us.

After all, how do we know that our car is heading in the right direction?

Love,
Dave

My dream ticket for 2008...

The best of both parties are represented in one lovely package... The young, brilliant, and energetic young Illinois senator will help empower our youth back into the political arena where they belong! Meanwhile, McCain's expertise and willingness to listen will provide the nation with the stability we need to address the difficult issues we face in this election. Altogether, this dynamic duo could take America to new heights and unify a divided nation. No more red and blue... let's go PURPLE!



Love,

Dave



P.S. Do you agree?  Disagree?  Either way, you should go visit http://www.unity08.org and select your own dream ticket for the 2008 elections and let's make this an election for progress, not politics...

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Ignorance Runs Amok Among Alleged Tarantino "Fans"

I often find myself venturing into the realms of the discussion boards on the Internet Movie Database, where I find myself discussing the brilliance of actors and directors alike with intelligent and well-informed film enthusiasts (often EXTREMELY more intelligent than myself). However, when I stumble upon the discussion boards for the films of Quentin Tarantino, I find myself attempting to explain the work of a genius to those who simply fail to understand.

For those who don't get what Tarantino does (and what he does NOT do), I give you the following summary:

Tarantino is a regurgitator, NOT an innovator. He takes in the styles of old films, such as samurai flicks and spaghetti westerns of the 60s and 70s, which he grew up on. He takes a unique story with unique characters and shows the viewer the story through the stylized lens of the exploitation movies he grew up on and continues to overglamorize today. As a writer, his ability to write gritty and seemingly meaningless dialogue is arguably his greatest talent.

* SPOILER ALERT : IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN "GRINDHOUSE" THEN DO NOT READ THIS! *

For example, in the Grindhouse films ("Planet Terror" and "Death Proof"), there are some inconsistencies in the films. In PT, Cherry has a gun attached to her leg which she is somehow "miraculously" able to fire without having to pull the trigger. DP begins with a much more "serious" feel to it, but ends in a style just as over-the-top as PT. During the numerous chase sequences in DP, there are times where the viewer wants to say "Why can't they just stop the car?" Asking such a question would be like watching an old horror movie and asking "Why is she running upstairs when the killer is coming after her?" If the girls were able to stop their car and evade the madman hot on their trail, would that contribute or take-away from the story at hand? Duh. End of story. Logic does not always work in films. That is the motto of exploitation films and, ultimately, the theme behind "Grindhouse."

* SPOILERS ARE OVER : YOU MAY CONTINUE READING *

There. I feel much better now that I have cleared that up. I think it was more of a rant to vent off my own frustration than a lesson in Tarantino stylization in films... but, if it was able to serve as either, than it was a success.

Well, this double-shift is nearly over and I feel like I'm about to collapse. Now, I can go home for about 5 and a half hours before I have to come back again! =D JOY!

G'Night... er, wait. It's morning now.

So...

G'Morning! =D

Love,

Dave

Comics?! NO WAY!

So, here you go... my first comic since childhood! =P (This one is non-fiction!)

Love,
Dave

Love...

I really love this new computer. =)



...and I really love my fiance.



G'Night, friends. =) I love you all as well.



Love,

D Ave.

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Red, White, and loads of Green?!

http://betoniraq.com/

I have no words for this... yet, I'm certain you all know where I stand on this one.

I take it back. I have two words:

Fuck capitalism.

That's all.

Love,
Dave

UNICEF is effin' sweet.

http://www.unicefgames.com/heroes/frames_large.html

The greatest game EVER.

That's all.

Love,
Dave

P.S. I'm getting sleepy... and I still have 6.5 hours left at work. =(

Work

So, yes, I agreed to work a double tomorrow... so, basically, I will be able to get no more than five hours of sleep for each of the next two nights. However, at least this way I will know that on Monday, they will NOT be able to force me to work a double and I can rest for the rest of the day Monday and all day Tuesday. I should have forced it into a mandate, but at this point in time, I don't even care. The fact that we put most of our effort into babysitting a patient who should NOT even be here just pisses me off. I swear... the people who admit our patients need to spend a few minutes on the unit getting slapped, head-butted, kicked, scratched, and cussed out by these patients they are admitting. Yes, I understand that these people need help... SO ADMIT THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN GET THE HELP THAT THEY NEED!!!!!!! Pine Rest is simply not meant to handle patients like this!

All I can do is all I can do.

But, doing "all I can do" every day and seeing no progress is beginning to wear my patience very thin.

At least I'll be getting some overtime...

...but, it is never worth the little pay we get.

Ugh. That's the only word that can describe my mood at this moment.

Ugh.

-Dave

I just had to share this...

As guilty as I feel for 1) Staying up far later than I should and 2) Feeding the inner teenager within me, I felt that I simply could not pass up such a quiz. Fortunately, I found that I have more in common with my favorite fictional character than I had ever previously imagined... =)

I leave you now.

Ciao.

You're Hannibal Lecter, M.D. Cultured, genius, and not without a sense of humor, you are something entirely Other. With your penchant for cannibalism and your killer wit, no one will be able to stop you.

Vote for Unity in 2008!

So, I'm working a mandate... It's about 1550 (3:50 pm) and I've been here since 0655... and I'll be here until 2330. Then I get to come back at 0700 tomorrow. During the 7.5 hours between shifts, I need to travel approximately 40 minutes round trip, eat a meal, sleep, and get snacks to bring in for work (which I promised before I knew I was going to be mandated). On top of this, I have not been able to sleep adequately lately, getting an average of 4 to 5 hours of sleep for the last three nights straight.

At least Friday is my birthday... the big 23 on 3/2. I feel like I should go see the movie The Number 23 on my 23rd birthday... but now I'm thinking I'll just spend it catching up on my sleep. =P

That's about it.

Love,
Dave

P.S. Check this out: UNITY '08 Sounds pretty sweet.

Hey, it's just me...

I love this photo, so I thought I should share it with all of you wonderful people who read this... which is basically myself.

Journalling is a great activity, though... whether or not somebody else reads it - and there is a strange comfort that comes in knowing that it is possible for others around the world to have access to your publised writing... especially in an age where publishing one's thoughts involves merely a quick flick of the wrists and the movement of a finger.

Yes, I am at work... which, while on one-to-ones, seems to be the only place where I am able to find time to do this. When I get home, my time is purely devoted to either trying to catch up on sleep or spend some quality time with the oft neglected love of my life. My time management skills have not been the greatest as of late... especially when I am working an average of 48 to 50 hours per week at a mental hospital. Sometimes, my capacity for love and compassion becomes drained to such a low level with the needy and demanding clientelle that I work with that I fear I have none to share with my friends and loved ones.

I'm working on finding ways to fill this emptiness... meditation and relaxation techniques have been helping me to find meaning in the work I do. It is very difficult to see the same patients returning for treatment over and over again. But, just as the story of the starfish goes... wait, perhaps I should share that story before I continue.

Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.

As he came up to the person he said, "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said, "It sure made a difference to that one!"

-Story borrowed from [http://www.cedu.niu.edu/~fulmer/starfish.htm]

I sometimes feel like I am the man walking the beach, only noticing the futility in the work being done here... seeing the returning patients, hearing the news of their deaths and not being able to talk about it because of confidentiality, and generally focusing on the patients that Pine Rest simply cannot help for one reason or another.

It's time for me to begin realizing that the work I do is helping people. Whether or not an individual comes to Pine Rest seeking treatment or even remains actively involved in their treatment while in residence on the unit does NOT change the fact that they are receiving treatment whether by petition or court order and I am health care professional providing such a service.

Well, I need to go tend to some business on the unit. Take care, faithful reader[s] and be safe. Until we meet again, may all your days be filled with warm food, fresh coffee, and a sense of peace.

Love,
David

Celebrities

What better thing to do when feeling under the weather than take old pictures of one's self and see what celebrities look similar?

That's what I thought.

http://www.myheritage.com

Interesting...

That's it. Time to rest... I still feel miserable.

Love,
Dave

Haircut, friends, bills, Sudoku, Dick Tracy... and more!

Recent developments in my life include:

• A haircut


• A visit from my amazing friends in Kalamazoo - I love those guys. =)


• Working full-time and realizing just how emotionally draining this job can be despite the health benefits and increased monetary compensation...


• Starting to pay half the rent and electric bill and getting used to that...


• Witnessing the most horrendous display of violent acts and self-injurious behaviors in my lifetime on the job.


• Acquiring the DVD of one of the most beloved films of my youth - Warren Beatty's "Dick Tracy."


• Watching the eye opening documentary "When The Levees Broke" by none other than Spike Lee.


• Doing far too many Sudoku puzzles than is natural for one human being to do...


• Watching episodes of "The Office" and daydreaming about the show (particularly regarding the relationship between Jim and Pam as well as Dwight's recent resignation - in both cases, I am hoping with all of my heart that the situations will change directions).

So, basically I am pathetic. With the little free time I have, I watch television and dream about the lives of others. For me to live my life inside of the lives of fictional characters portrayed within the television... Is that not the American dream?

I sure hope not.

I wish I was not so afraid of being more social. I want to go to meetings, hang out with people, just sit and chat. I just get so scared. Even when I went to the Fountain Street Church and the priest invited people to talk with him after church. He seemed so incredible that I just wanted to stay and talk with him all afternoon, but I got so nervous that I just left.

Maybe this is why I would get so upset at my dad whenever we would have to move to another town... I feel that I am terrible at meeting new people. I rely on any friends I have already established and try to be nice to the new people I meet, but inside I am always scared out of my wits. Maybe this is why I am so bad at conflict resolution with my friends - I don't want my friends to get upset and risk losing them. I'm so glad that Liz has stuck with me all of these years because I don't know what I would do if I had to try to meet somebody else. Honestly - I would be a mess.

Anyway... that's more than enough introspection for one night. To bed I go. It's an early morning tomorrow and I am actually looking forward to getting to work. It's one place where I feel comfortable talking with people.

Goodnight, my friends.

Love,
David

P.S. I must say, on my own behalf, that I think I have made some new friendships at work. They say that people form bonds during difficult times, such as wars, famines, national disasters, etc. Well, every day at work ends up being a disaster in some sense of the word. After all, this is a mental health facility where one minute a man is walking around naked telling the staff that he is God and the next minute a woman is ripping out sutures in her arm and spilling blood all over. No sane person can actually want to come into a place like this every day. And yet, here I go... venturing where few have dared to venture before me. To treat a patient who seeks treatment is one thing. But to care for somebody who does not want to be cared for and who sometimes seeks for ways to cause bodily harm to the staff is something of a quite different nature indeed. I believe it was Jesus who once commanded that we as human beings are to "love our enemies." I never think of the patients as enemies, and I hope that I am not giving off that impression. They are all fragile human beings who are in need of treatment. However, more often than not, the treatment is not being actively sought out by the patient and they are court ordered to be placed into a mental hospital for treatment which they did not ask for in the first place. This can create tensions, which the patients carry with them to the hospital and its staff. What I mean to say is that we are to overcome their fright and anger with comfort and love. That isn't in the job description - but it's on the faces of many of those I work with every day. And it's a comfort to know that I work with such compassionate individuals. It really makes me feel like I am part of a team.

Well, that's enough for tonight. Sleep well, my friends. Let's have a wonderful hump day tomorrow and get through the midpoint of our weeks. =)

At Work...

Work. Unlike the creative (and often side-splittingly hillarious) depiction of work environments in the hit series "The Office," I often find myself with more than enough work to accomplish throughout the course of my shift. Whether helping an unruly patient calm down or helping a confused patient locate their room, it is a rare occassion to have downtime on the job. This, however, is one of those exceptions. I am on a one-to-one for the entire eight hours, leaving me with a lot of time to spend doing nothing in particular.

I recently added a calendar to my journal. The URL is < http://www.spongecell.com > and the calendar is not only easy to use with brilliant features, but can be uploaded onto one's iPod as well as embedded into an online blog or journal. My favorite feature, besides the fact that it is simple and quick to upload onto my iPod Nano, is the fact that I can simply type "Lunch from noon to 1:00 pm this Friday" and the calendar will add that event to my schedule. The text is translated into an actual event on the calendar. As far as I am concerned, Functionality + Simplicity + iPod Compatability = A+.

Well, I am going to get back to my job. Safe travels, LB, and a wonderful evening to everybody. =)

Love,
David

UPDATES!

So, here's what's up in my life.

• I graduated.
• I got all 'A's last semester, so I will be graduating with honors.
• I got the full time position on the Adult North unit at Pine Rest.
• I got to see a lot of my good friends over Christmas break.
• I am about to eat some delicious smelling (and awfully cute) Hello Kitty waffles!

TTFN!

Love,
Dave